“Who do you think you are? Running around leaving scars…”
One-Nighter
It was my first night in Germany and I had a gut feeling it was going to be a crazy night. I attended a house pre-gaming party and thats where I met Tom. At first I didnt pay much mind to Tom, other than the fact that he was cute and had an accent (I’m a sucker for accents sometimes). And fast-forward the night, the party then moved to the club.
At the club we all had a few more drinks and then hit the dance floor. The music was awesome that night, and I was having so much fucking fun. At one point I ended up dancing with Tom. As we were swaying, we started getting flirty with each other. This led to us making out in a dark corner, which then led to checking out our coats and leaving the club.
Whether it was the Jägermeister or Beck’s that added fuel to the fire, we felt that it was necessary to get-down-to-it in the nearest public garage. The garage was a wide-open foundation of an apartment building, with the back opening facing other apartment buildings. Tom and I triggered the light sensor as we walked to the farthest corner behind a car and pillar. As soon as the lights went off, Tom and I stripped off our clothes and got it on. The temperature that night was about 13 degrees C (so about 55 degrees F), but our body heat kept us warm. We used the car and the pillar to lean on for some maneuvers, and at one pointwhen I look up I could see some apartment windows with lights on still. I kept thinking “Wow we are pretty crazy/drunk for doing this in public,” but at least we took some precautions. Wrap it up, always!
Since we were closer to Tom’s place than my friends’ place, which was where I was staying at, Tom invited me to spend the night at his place. Tom also suggested on taking me back to my friends house, but my heels had no mercy on my feet to endure a long walk. So I decided to spend the night with him. As soon as we got to his apartment, we hit the bed and went for round 2….and boy was it amazing!
Tom had his arms around me the whole night, so waking up was really sweet! I turned over to face him, kissing him to wake him up. As I was getting up I banged my head against a shelf above his bed, we laughed and he kissed my head. He was soo sweet. He got up to use the bathroom while I stayed in bed surveying his apartment. The apartment had a industrial contemp theme, nice place for a young law student. When Tom was getting dress he offered me food or something to drink, to which both I declined. Tom mentioned that he had to go to the Uni (short for university) soon, and gave me two options.
Tom said, ” If you want you can stay and sleep for another half hour, or I can take you back [to my friend’s place] now.”
It was a nice offer, but the hangover was getting to me and I wanted to get out quick to spare the embarrassment of puking. Plus he had class soon so I wanted to get out of his way. So I told him he could take me back now, and I as soon as I got dressed we left.
It was such a beautiful morning in Germany and I was just in awe with the town. As he drove me back in his Mercedes-Benz, Tom held my hand the whole way and we talked about school and my visit to Germany. Upon reaching my friends apartment, he asked to see me again and we parted with a kiss. I rang my friend to buzz the door and she thanked God through the intercom that I got back.
I never saw Tom again, but I will never forget that night. I had lived a night that, prior to it happening, I had only fantasized about. And although our actions were not actions of saints, Tom as such a gentleman and for that I thank him. Tom was the best one-nighter.
The Green-Eyed Monster and Friends With Benefits..
Jealousy (n.) 1. “a protective reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship, arising from a situation in which the partner’s involvement with an activity and/or another person is contrary to the jealous person’s definition of their relationship.” (Bevan, 2004, page 195) 2. “Jealousy is triggered by the threat of separation from, or loss of, a romantic partner, when that threat is attributed to the possibility of the partner’s romantic interest in another person.” (Sharpteen & Kirkpatrick, 1997, page 628)
It is said that in platonic jealousy, there is a fear of being replaced, having competition, or being compared to someone else. The same goes for romantic jealousy, except this type of jealousy occurs when a romantic partner (long term or short term) starts to direct their attention (especially sexual attention) to someone else.
Today, the green-eyed monster reared it’s ugly head in the form of romantic jealousy. Or is it platonic jealousy? I forget. Why am I not sure? Because this jealousy, hate, envy that I’ve been feeling all day was triggered by an ex “friends-with-benefit’s”— we’ll call him D— vacation posts with New Chick.
Friends With Benefits…oh Boy…
One of my dearest friends has always said that there is no true healthy “friends with benefits” relationship because someone always gets hurt. Man, was she right!
I have been hooking up it with Boy for about a year now. Boy has always been this fun fellow, but that was all he was good for. I was never fully attracted to him because personality wise he is not my type, lacking the certain qualities I would look for in a guy to take seriously. Therefore, I thought it would not be a bad idea to use him for sex until I find someone worthy of my heart.
Throughout the year we would hook up, and when we were dating other people we would stop seeing each other. After a break up we would have each other to fall back onto. And the cycle would start again. Rinse. Dry. Repeat. (did i say that right?)
Summer time things started sizzling up. Besides what was in his pants, I started to see Boy in a different way I had not seen him before when we are with friends. Conversations would carry on about school, work, our long term goals. I was starting to believe he wasnt such a proud, scumbag afterall…there was more to this proud Leo. The more I tried to figure Boy out, the more I caught myself getting in too deep. I needed to get out fast.
One night we were sitting in my car talking and I told Boy that I didnt want to see him anymore like this. I didnt tell him why but I felt like I didnt have to because this was just for fun and there shouldnt be any hard feelings about ending it. Boy put up a fight. He argued about knowing that I did still wanted to do this, and kissed me in order to prove it. Of course I gave in, but I told him that this whole thing we are doing is not what i NEED right now. After many door slams, trying to kick him out of the car, him coming back into the car, Boy finally gave up.
I told my brother John about the fight, trying to figure out why Boy would put up a fight at all. John said it was because I was taking “the poo-na-ni” away from Boy. This is true! Boy has no true feelings for me other than what he feels in his pants.
After cooling off a few days I explained to Boy that I was having a moment of doubt and fear. I was afraid of falling for him and thats why I felt that I needed to nip it in the bud before getting hurt. Boy understood where I was coming from and he would have done the same.
Boy and I had once had a conversation wondering how would things be between us if we pursued a serious relationship from the start. It would have been a roller coaster of craziness, good and bad. In ways we are so much alike, Boy and I. But Boy is not willing to settle yet, and I would not have been able to trust him. Even though we are both in our 20s, Boy still has a lot of growing up to do and I think I would have been mothering him.
About a week after the arguement in the car, I saw Boy for another night in bed. This time was a bit different, at least for me. In the midst of things heating up under covers, I tried maintaining eye contact with him, embraced his body with passion, and gently placed kisses all over him. I was trying to make love to Boy. I was trying to make love by myself…
As of now that was the last time I slept with Boy. Soon after that I found out he was sleeping around with other girls. He asked if there was something wrong with that, and I told him that it bothers me but I cant get mad. I cant get mad? Of course I can! Im human, not a robot. But thats the game that I put myself into and I know the rules. I could have done the same and played the field just as Boy, but I didnt find the need to because thats why I had Boy for. He was my Boy Toy.
I asked Boy, “So do you carry on conversations with other girls too after you screw them?”.
Boy said, “Yes actually I do. Im not an ass.”
I responded,” No Boy you are an ass. No matter what you say or do to a girl, at the end of the day you are an ass. At least I tried to think otherwise, but you are just like the rest.”
I guess Im hurt for the fact it was wishful thinking all along and in the end my wishes didnt come true. All along he was treating me just like the rest of the scores he made. For a while I believed that maybe he is treating me differently because he feels something for me but he just hasnt realized it yet. Even if Boy did feel something serious for me, it wouldnt have worked out. And no one around us, like our friends and family, would not have approved of us being together unless Boy was man enough to not care and stand strong by me. But thats the problems, Boy is not man enough for me. He is a scared little mouse just like the rest of the scums that roam the earth.
Call of the Wild
In nature, males perform rituals or project certain morphological traits to attract a mate. The birds of paradise in New Guinea perform dances and puff up their lavishing feathers. Baboons make these mating calls, low yet strong, to attract females. Male guppies are born with pretty colors along there sides and fins. Even some species of grasshopper have colorful hind wings, and fan them as if telling a potential mate, “Hey look, I’m sexy.”
In nature, attraction comes first for sex.
The other day I went to a beach party. There were boats anchored off the shore, and pretty much each boat had there own little parties going on. Anyway, on one boat there were these drunk girls tanning on the bow. All of a sudden these girls decide to do a split down to the bow and shake their ass (and boobs) to the beat of the music. Seriously, these chicks could attract a silver-back ape 0_0. And of course the guys were on the sideline cheering them on.
I think my ovaries died that moment and lost all hope for woman-kind…at least western women.
Yes, it is in our genome to exploit our goodies for sex. After all we are in the kingdom Animalia. Call of the wild. But we take for granted that we are built for more complex personalities, expressions, and emotions than our fellow natural inhabitants.
In the human species it seems like females try harder than males to attract a mate. We put effort into our appearance with the hair, make-up, nails, figuring out outfits, boob job, nose job, lipo, botox. Partly because its the pressure culture and society puts on women and what is attractive.
Men have a simple appearance, why should they get the easy job? It’s like they don’t even try anymore to attract a woman. Lately, it seems the case is that women are the ones that have to puff up their feathers in order for a guy to even talk to her.
Men who know how to shake their tail feathers are the rarest creatures these days.
